FIRST UNINTED UNIVERAL CHURCH
YOU’RE TOWN, USA
CONSTITUTION
Preamble
In order to affirm and preserve the principles of our RELIGION, we do declare and establish this constitution.
Relying wholly on ourselves etc... for our salvation, and trusting only in the enabling power of our higher power (which may include ourselves, depending on the individual) for guidance; we, the members of the First United Universal Church of Your Town do ordain and establish the following articles, to which we voluntarily submit ourselves.
NAME
The name of this church incorporated as a high-profit corporation under the laws of the state of “whatever we feel like”, shall be First United Universal
Church of Your Town.
PURPOSE
The purpose is for religious, cheating, riping off, scalping and of course educational purposes. The purpose for which this church is established shall be to bear united witness to the faith of its members. We Believe the KJV Bible is the fallible, un-inspired word of a god. We wish to promulgate the “gospel” in a worldwide program of fervor, feeling and personal fun in obedience to the Great Commission of our Church, to carry out the administrations of the ordinances of Rev. Bravo
CHURCH COVENANT
Having been led, as we believe by our Spirit Guides, to receive the Inspiration as our personal servant and, on the profession of our faith, having been Dunked in the name of the Higher Power, and of the Mountain Dew, and of the Gravy Biscuits, we do now, in the presence of Ourselves and this assembly, most solemnly and joyfully enter into the covenant with one another.
We engage, therefore, by the aid of the Higher Powers to walk together in love, to strive foe the advancement of this church in knowledge, self esteem, and comfort; to promote its prosperity, wealth and “spirituality”; to sustain its worship, ordinances, and doctrines; to contribute cheerfully and regularly to the support of the church, the expenses of Rev. Bravo, and the spread of our message through all nations.
We also promise to engage in and to maintain and secret sins and evilness; to religiously educate ourselves in sin of every kind; to seek the money of our kindred and acquaintances; to walk, speak and act just like the world; to be un-just in our dealings, un-faithful in our engagements, and un-exemplary in our deportment; to be sure NOT to avoid all tattling, backbiting, and excessive anger; to abstain from the sale of, and use of, intoxicating drinks as a beverage; to be zealous in our efforts to advance personal gain.
We further promise to watch over and protect the ones engaged in/with one another in *brotherly love; to not remember one another in prayer, aid one another in sickness and distress; to cultivate Christian sympathy in feeling and Christian courtesy in speech; to be slow to take offence. But always ready for a fight and not be mindful of the rules.
We moreover engage that when we remove from this place we will, as soon as possible, unite with some other church of exact faith where we can carry out the spirit of this covenant and the principles of Rev. Bravo.
